Hi, I’m Bart and I’m an Approval Junkie

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It is time to recap a few highlights from week 2 of our series Fake ID: Reclaiming Our Identity in Christ. This past week we tackled some common misconceptions about self-image. Here are a few thoughts from the talk. Credit to Kyle Idleman and Southeast Christian Church, whose message and series inspired much of what we have talked about. Here is what you might have missed Sunday night at Crave:

We are obsessed with how we portray ourselves and how others view us. We are all “brand managers”. Selfies are one symptom of our need to manage our image–we want control over how we look in a photo and which photos we put on social media.

We have bought into a huge lie: My self-worth = My performance + Others’ Approval. So many mistakes in our lives can be traced back to wanting to perform or wanting to be loved.

In Ephesians 2, we find the remedy for our image problems.

1. You are not who you were. We are not defined by our failures.

Paul says, in Ephesians 2:1, “And you were dead…” In order to get a picture of who we are in Christ we have to remember who we were. He reminds us of who we were, but it is not who we are. We think the truest thing about ourself is our past failure, but that is not the truest thing about you.We do not have to live from our old failures and old identity. Those failures and sins may be true of you, but they don’t have to define you in Christ!

2. You are not what you do. We are not defined by our successes.

Many of us were told early and often our personal achievements build our worth. Our value is defined by what we accomplish. Or maybe we have been told our religious resume is what makes us a follower of Christ.I have struggled with this mindset in my battle with perfectionism. A perfectionist is someone whose standards go beyond reach and reason. Someone who strains compulsively toward impossible goals and who measures their self worth entirely in terms of their performance. Those who are miserably caught up in the trap of their own success–always having to prove ourselves once again, or do better, or accomplish more.

Legalism is also a result of determining our worth by our own religious accomplishment. It is falling into the trap we have to earn our right to stand before God. We have to be good enough to earn God’s favor, or at least, we have to be “better” than the other people around us.But Paul reminds us we are not defined by our personal or religious successes. Ephesians 2:5 says, “It is by grace you have been saved through faith…it is the gift of God, not by works…” There is nothing we can add by our own strength to what Christ has already done and accomplished for us on the cross. There is no sin too great Christ cannot forgive.The world says, you must achieve your worth, Christ says just receive it.

3. You are not what people say or think about you. We are not defined by others’ approval.

Finally, we are not what people say or think about us.

Let me introduce myself. Hi, my name is Bart and I’m an approval junkie. I love to be loved. I am constantly afraid of not being liked. I, unfortunately, often give others the power to define my worth by what they think about me.

How do you know if you are an approval junkie too? Do you get crushed by small words of criticism? Are you afraid to run against the crowd? Is it hard to say no, even when it is wise? Do you lie to make yourself look good?

The solution to our need for approval is to understand no one has the power to label you or define your worth–only the One who made you! In Ephesians 2:10, Paul says, “You are God’s workmanship…” The Greek word for workmanship used in scripture is poiema. It is the same word we get the English word poem from. It means, literally, “something made”. You are God’s design, His creation, and our worth comes from what He says about who you are in Christ, not what others say!

We need to hear these truths about ourselves regularly. They need to be the determining factor for our identity. To wrap up the night, we asked students to go home, take a dry erase marker, and write one of these truths on their mirror. Hopefully, these truths will help you!

1. I am not my failures (Eph. 2:1)

2. I am not my successes (Eph. 2:5)

3. I am not what others think about me (Eph. 2:10)

 

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